Providence provides

I cannot believe my trip has come to a close. Tomorrow I will standby hoping to get onto a flight. The good news is that tomorrow is a national holiday, so most likely the flights will be lighter than usual.

The past couple nights at the hostel saw a quick turnover of roommates. Apparently, the busiest (and loudest) night is Saturday night. The final night, Sunday, I was in a room of 12 men, me being one of two women. I don’t think I can do that again. They don’t seem to regulate the ratio of men to women in each room unlike the practice of other hostels.

I’m happy to see familiar faces when I return. I miss my family and friends. And throughout my trip, I have seen so many people who look like those I love in the Liturgical Institute. I wonder if I have a twin somewhere in the world?

Admittedly, the wrap up of the whole experience and journey has made me a little emotional. I am so thankful to the Lord for all that He provided on this journey from Paris to the Belgian cities to the Italian cities to Madrid.

Early on and then later throughout the trip people asked me if I was traveling alone or how was I able to do it by myself. To be honest, I didn’t go into the trip believing I was ever alone or that anything that resulted from it would be of my own doing. The thought never crossed my mind until people told me I was alone, and it made me think about our human nature to want relationship and companionship – all of these an extension of love. I do believe these were with me (that is, relationship and companionship), but they came across in a different way me knowing Jesus was walking alongside me and would be present throughout this trip. After having been asked so many times, how I felt being alone … I finally asked Jesus, “Do you think we’re alone?”

Here are the top memorable parts of this journey (in no particular order of importance):
1. Healthy relationships, Alicia Keys latest album, and the Code of Canon Law
2. Chevetogne
3. Rdv with Père De Clerck, concluding I want my Ph.D., and laughter
4. Maredsous beer and the Abbey’s 400,000 books library collection
5. Making pâtisseries
6. Theo Selles’ generosity and the creativity of chocolatier, M. Le Gallic
7. Visiting St. Josemaría Éscriva’s tomb in Rome
8. Visiting St. Francis of Assisi on his Feast Day and St. Clare
9. Meetings within Paris
10. Proposal to Caritas in Madrid

How do I feel now that I am coming home? Physically, I’m a little tired because there was a lot of areas I was hoping would be addressed on the trip, and I’m very pleased to report that mostly everything was given time and some level of development – praise be Jesus Christ! I have also lost a lot of weight from the trip since I’m on a student budget and am looking forward to a more regular diet beyond that of pâtisseries! I actually said during the trip, “It is more important to me to eat pâtisseries than having a meal.” Oopsy ...

I didn’t know how any of this trip was going to evolve only knowing that God would be with me. Early on I discovered that everything I planned was not happening; and when I left it all to God, he took care of business. I left with a lot of people telling me the trip was unrealistic or that I shouldn’t go … but when I prayed, inspiration in prayer would tell me otherwise. I know everyone had good intentions, but I am glad to have listened to how the Spirit moved me, as God confirmed His will so many times when I actually did listen.

There was a lot on the trip that was difficult. But these difficulties were not God so much that it was me. It was mostly me not wanting to follow the urgings within prayer or me pretending as if I didn’t know what I was supposed to do or how to act. And I think most of the times I didn’t want to act when my prayers had been answered, it was mostly because of fear. But even in these times, God’s grace gave me the courage to do things that have led to developing the project beyond anything I could have imagined. It is good. And it is better.

I wonder if I will resort to my old habits with relationships and work.

My hope is that I don’t and that I cultivate what has been given through this trip for the project, for souls we’ll be serving, and yes … even for my own soul, which I think about. From this experience I don’t know if I’ll ever have an experience like this again. I think one of the things I have learned from this trip is that God becomes tangible in a very unique way when we cease trying to be in control. Being away from what was familiar definitely aided in this being possible (since I tend to be a control freak), but my will also actively desired to just trust, which is necessary if we want to develop the interior life. It must be a conscious effort to seek God’s will and God's grace will respond.

I think this is really hard. That is, we don’t live in a society that encourages that we do God’s will but that we do our own, and this is a constant spiritual struggle for all Christians. But God’s grace is there for us. As He showed on this trip, He was always present, and He was good to the project, generous and compassionate.

The result is that I leave Europe realizing how little my role is in With Mercy and Justice. As incredulous as this may sound, it was not my doing that allowed for the various occurrences or meetings to take place. The project has developed in a way that is very different from when it was first conceived and has been inspired in prayer and through the many talents and gifts of those God has brought to His project. It feels very awkward when people say, “... your project.” To be honest, I know my role. I believe it is God’s project, His doing and hand … with a desire to heal souls who have been injured so that they can be free and joyful. It is exciting to be a part of the project as it develops and being a steward (if you will) to move it forward. I can tell in prayer it is moving into a different phase, which requires the involvement of others … I think this is the Advisory Council.

I said in prayer, “God, let’s Rock n’ Roll…” I have a different sense of readiness and excitement for Christ and this project and collaboration. The project has taken on a different identity from what I imagined for it and gone in directions I never would have had the courage to take it – praise be Jesus Christ!

Lovely Madrid ... stay for as long as possible

Mi viaje acá fue muy breve ... ojalá que pueda regresar esta semana?

I arrived in Madrid this past Tuesday and checked into my hostel.

I am so thankful to be here, as I did not think I would be able to make it due to funds. However, everything fell into place at the last minute, although the meetings were not exactly in place as I did not know if I would be able to make it here. But I did make some ground and 'some' is better than 'none' -- praise be Jesus Christ who provided the way.

I booked my room the day I came in and was lucky to find a nice hostel. Normally filled with 6 females, I had the room to myself for a couple days. I think God gave this to me as a gift to prep me. You really have to be careful with what you pray about! As my trip has neared its end, I've prayed much about how much I wanted to experience more community. Well, my prayers were answered and God has the best sense of humor -- praised be Jesus Christ!

My next hostel from the weekend till my departure was a mixed room for ... 14 people. Yikes! I had to switch hostels because the dates I needed were already full. Last night, I only woke up about 9 times. I still like community though ... that is probably a good sign, right?!

When I first arrived, my lunch was fabulous. I understand why the Spaniards like a siesta after lunch ... what a great culture!

After getting settled, I set out to connect with folks planning World Youth Day for next summer. Since the summer, I had experienced difficulty trying to get to the main website and contact information. For the first time, I found contact information. For those interested in going: here's the link ... http://www.madrid11.com/. I hope some form of collaboration might be possible.

I also tried to connect with other organizations in Madrid to see what kind of work they are doing here; and if there's any opportunity for collaboration for next summer.

I did hear back from one organization who addresses violence against women. The coordinator informed me Tuesday is a national holiday in Spain, so the days leading up to the holiday are extremely busy. If anything, I am satisfied with having made brief contact and realize any relationship that would develop will need cultivation and the best way to develop is to show the work we are doing in Chicago as a viable and effective approach to healing families and individuals.


Before entering into my second hostel, my first hostel was practically next door to the main office for the Archdiocese of Madrid. The thought to visit it kept coming to mind several times, so I went and asked if it was possible for me to speak with someone who works in the area of domestic/sexual abuse or violence. I also described a little of the project. They were extremely responsive and helpful in directing me to Caritas Madrid, the social welfare arm providing services to help families. One conversation led me to receiving the contact information of someone I am to send a proposal to of what the collaboration would look like, praise be Jesus Christ!

While the ultimate decision of collaboration rests in the hands of someone I have not met yet, the people I was speaking with were very curious and interested in the project's approach ... that With Mercy and Justice's approach to healing is centered in Christ, the liturgy, sacraments, prayer, and leadership formation.

Yesterday I went to a Dominican-run parish for Mass; and after communion, the thought to talk with someone at the parish about the project came very clearly to mind. I thought I was done networking but I guess the project wasn't! So, I found some information on the activities of the parish, and it turns out they have a program for mothers and fathers that involves formation. So, I asked a priest who I could contact regarding the classes they offer and the project. He referred me to one of the brothers who not only facilitates workshops but also writes on the sacraments. I am curious where this lead will or won't lead to ... but am open.

I wish my stay in Madrid was longer ... I realized this as the week passed. While here, I enjoyed the wonderful people, the culture, the music, the friendliness of the Madrileños, the food, the architecture, the museums - Prado et Reina Sophia - , gardens, plazas, and the Spanish fashion!


I am tired but am looking forward to returning to Chicago. I will rest the week and then be back in the scene next Monday. There is a lot of following up on my end ... thank you email's and writing and planning. I look forward to reconnecting with Cabrini and the leads I had before I left in the summer.

Praised be Jesus Christ for his guiding hand leading the way. How he has provided! Wrap up blog tonight.

Italia ... prego

Italy was a trip my sister and cousins treated me to ... God is good. Thank you, family!

Originally, the Italy trip had been planned some time last year ... and was supposed to be just Italy. However, when the offer to be sent to Paris to learn how to make pâtisseries came, it just made sense to do Paris ... and then also to just meet up with my family once the time for Italy came. I consider this more of a personal trip and one where I did not actively seek to network or work, so I'm not really going to write extensively on this part of the trip.

Briefly, I will mention the cities we visited and the Saints are in parenthesis:

• Roma (St. Josemaría Éscriva)
  
• Siena (St. Catherine)
  
• Lucca (St. Gemma Galgani)
  
• Pisa (St. Ranier)
  
• Firenze
• Venenzia
• Verona
• Assisi (St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare) - We also visited on St. Francis' Feast Day, Oct. 4, and were able to see the Crucifix of San Damiano

I think the two important things I will mention is where I had the greatest impressions.

Visiting the saints, seeing where they had grown up or lived, seeing their relics, being in their geographical element, and the results of their radical love and fidelity to serving Christ is something I will never forget. It encourages me because they were just one person; and yet it was not just them alone ... but it was them and Jesus. And with this, they achieved. While what began initially started out small, God's providence allowed for His various projects and movements to develop to what we see today.

I am so happy we have the saints to look to because we know that it is possible to be human, to have faults, and to be real ... BUT with Christ and His grace, we are able to go beyond what we believe our capacity to be towards fulfilling how God intended us to be.

During our trip, I was impressed with the hard work of a family-run winery in the Tuscany region. They had multiple things happening at once: a winery, olive oil production, and even a rental business of a villa overlooking San Germignano. Their hard work impressed upon me dedication, perseverance, ingenuity, professionalism, and excellent products!

Belgique: rdv and monasteries in the Liturgical Movement

I loved my stay while in Belgique, or Belgium. Probably because it was also one of the more harder parts of my trip and where I felt completely out of my element, but it made everything that followed worth it.

My first stop when in Bruxelles was to my hostel. I was a little worried because I hadn’t stayed in a hostel since first year of college. Overall, I was really impressed and I liked my hostel, CQGO4, as it was in the middle of the city center. What I found was that the hostel was fairly inexpensive and the locale for a LOT of young professionals; I had no idea. My room was mixed and I was nervous about this for obvious reasons, but it was the only room available with the price that matched my budget. Turns out my room of 6 had a Ph.D. student, two aspiring Ph.D. students, two non-profit professionals, and one Bollywood actor – they all had really cool personalities.

After checking in, I went to my meeting with my Bruxelles contact, Père De Clerck. He was the former director of l’Institut Supérieur de Liturgie (Higher Institute for Liturgy) at l’Institut Catholique de Paris (Catholic Institute of Paris), the former director of La Maison-Dieu, a professor and expert on various areas of the liturgy, and now the pastor of a parish in Bruxelles. After Mass, we had lunch with a family. I was so happy for this experience as I had not eaten with a family for about two months and missed being in this setting. It was a lovely, thoughtfully made lunch with Belgian cuisine and good conversation. Throughout the lunch, P. De Clerck provided some great resources, recommendations, and ideas for the rest of my journey, along with a hilarious sense of humor.

Afterwards, it was off to one parish and en route he talked a lot about parish life and active participation. Then, we went to a Romanian cultural center and church. He discussed the liturgical art found within the church, which was originally Roman Catholic but now serves as both a cultural center and Eastern Catholic place of worship. I enjoyed the afternoon listening and learning from these very simple, yet important little lessons on the liturgy.

It was awesome to listen to someone who truly loves the liturgy and has dedicated so much of his life to educating others on it. At one point, we ran into the organist of the parish, and I said, “I loved the music. It was so good!” And with a smile he said, “Praise God, not the music.” So I told him later he had inspired something in regards to our future pâtisseries, “Praise God, not the pâtisseries!” And he laughed.

Anyway, little lessons that I learned in the afternoon, which made me excited to continue my study of the liturgy and sacraments and also confirmed my decision to pursue my Ph.D.

The next abbey visit was to Mont-César/ Abdij Keizersberg in Leuven, Belgium. There were only a few monks, but they actually stopped their prayer so one of them could come up to me and give me the prayers that were being said, so I could follow along. Despite that it was in Flemish, I greatly appreciated this and was able to decipher a little here and there, and it was good to pray with them. They also waited for me to finish taking my pictures before closing the church.

Belgium is uncontested when it comes to chocolates ...

The next abbey visit was to Chevetogne. I had the most difficulty trying to go here and almost canceled this part of my trip. Right before leaving, something happened to my right eye and because of its swelling, my left eye became affected as well. I was not able to see because they were so irritated that any light was too painful. So, most of the day was spent in dimly lit rooms, as it was too painful to go outside. Then, I had a lot of bumps in the road trying to get to Chevetogne, which had me do an overnight in Namur.

The next abbey visit was to Chevetogne. I had the most difficulty trying to go here and almost canceled this part of my trip. Right before leaving, something happened to my right eye and because of its swelling, my left eye became affected as well. I was not able to see because they were so irritated that any light was too painful. So, most of the day was spent in dimly lit rooms, as it was too painful to go outside. Then, I had a lot of bumps in the road trying to get to Chevetogne, which had me do an overnight in Namur. Truly, it felt like a pilgrimage as it was not an easy trek. For the next time, I will rent a car, but I want to return as it was unlike any place I’ve ever visited.

Chevetogne was probably one of the best parts of this journey. It is unlike any place I’ve ever visited. I left energized, joyful, and hopeful about the project and inspired with how those within the church have been radical with the faith and steadfast when it was difficult and not popular. I left Chevetogne surprised at how much of an impact it had had on me.

Neighbors ...

I was warmly received by one of the Benedictine monks who met me as I was wandering the grounds trying to find where check-in was. He showed me the grounds and then we took my things to the retreat house, Bethanie.

Le monastère avec l'église orientale et l'église latin

Founder: Dom Lambert Beauduin

Le Monastère du Chevetogne was founded by Dom Lambert Beauduin, o.s.b., a Benedictine monk and major contributor within the Liturgical Movement, who was responsible for founding yet another monastery. Chevetogne was the vision and hope to unite the different Catholics loyal to the papacy into community. The monastery today has on one end, a church with the Byzantine rite; and at the other end of the monastery, a church with the Latin or Roman rite. Both the East and West liturgies take place at the same hours; they live with each other; share meals; and when possible, pray together. It was AMAZING and cool. The laity are on retreat and are welcome to participate in the Liturgy of the Hours, there is a Latin Mass, and for dinner, we join in the same building the community but are in a separate room.

Bookstore

L'église orientale

The first liturgy I participated at was within the Byzantine rite for vespers. The chanting was so beautiful; it was such a blessing to experience such praise. The rest of my stay I alternated between the Byzantine rite and Roman rite. I walked the grounds, prayed, wrote, and read. I visited their bookstore, drooled at their extensive library (next time!) collection from a window, paid my respects and props to Dom Beauduin (he is buried on the grounds), and drank lots of espressos.

L'église latin

The Benedictine who had welcomed me also took interest in the project as I described it, so he recommended me connecting with one of their monks … who happened to originally be from Chicago!!! Again, go Chicago!

It was very last minute, but God is good and I was able to meet with an awesome Benedictine from the Chevetogne community, Père Thaddée Barnas, o.s.b. I’ve never met anyone who’s been so involved in ecumenical ministry to the extent as him. As he talked about the work he’s been involved in … in my mind, I was just praising God to be in the presence of someone who was so committed and on fire to unite Christians and dedicated to promoting ecumenism. I realized that he was a reflection of the larger community, and it only made me love the Benedictines from Chevetogne even more. He recommended many contacts across Europe, which I am thankful for and something I know that will greatly help the project’s apostolate.

I also had a very unusual afternoon … I think it was providential. I thought I was on retreat, and I was; but when God presents different opportunities you just have to seize them. One of the most important meetings I had was with a counselor from Flanders. She was also on retreat, and God was good to have us cross paths. As a counselor, she has worked a lot with victims of domestic/sexual abuse and those who commit abuse. We spent the entire afternoon talking, and we clearly made a woman-to-woman connection, as working with victims/survivors is something very important to us. She shared with me her work, her family, her children, her views, and I reciprocated about the project, my family, views, etc. She gave me also a very important contact of ministry being provided in a monastery in Flanders to help support victims of abuse. I look forward to following up with this contact and maintaining our friendship. We didn’t agree on some things, but we also found a lot of common ground, and our conversation helped me to think and implement further on the project. Thank you, Rita!

I cannot read Flemish, so I have not been able to follow the Belgian news. But during my stay, I was concerned as I kept seeing newspapers with clergy and headlines that seemed as if it was trying to make a statement. Apparently, news recently broke only a couple months ago regarding a Bishop who was removed from his position because of sexual abuse of a minor some 30-years ago. The conversations that I had with folks revealed their frustration, anger, sadness, want for something to be done/answers/some form of justice – all emotions to be expected.

It’s interesting … there’s a lot of interest in looking to the US for how the US Catholic Church has handled sexual abuse, as the US Catholic Church experienced what Europe is now experienced some 8 years ago. My visit to several countries in Europe has helped me to see the opportunity for collaboration, serving Christ in solidarity, and learning from the apostolates/ministries/work of others … praised be Jesus Christ!

On a funny note, I neglected to mention that before dinner on the first night of arrival … everyone knew that I was from America. The other 18-some retreatants were excited that I was there, and they were so friendly in coming up to me to tell me that. Apparently, most of the retreatants tend to be from Belgique, so they were excited that an American was there. I think this is hilarious because I actually was so excited that I’d be staying with Belgians, whereas they were excited to stay with an American. Everyone was really hospitable and it was a good experience. I was so sad to leave …

My final monastery was to Maredsous.

I returned to Namur and then took a bus (which I almost missed!) to Maredsous. The website felt more geared towards the tourism aspect, which I would later find out is really ¼ of the monastery. They have also what I think is a grammar school, a professional culinary school primarily for cheese, and are known for their cheese and their amazing beer. Maredsous’ Triple is officially my favorite beer ... yum.

I confess I knew more about Maredsous’ reputation for beer more than their present-day liturgical contributions.

I was accepted warmly by the Benedictine community. I asked the père if there were books I could look at since I was not able to at Chevetogne. I think he had a lot to do but he agreed to take me to their massive library with an impressive collection of 450,000 books. I nearly fell over when he said this and could not contain my excitement, so I camped out for a couple hours in the section on the liturgy. It was really cool to find original copies of liturgical works and reviews, to have in my hands writings of people I had read about that had been put out during the time of the liturgical movement, to see the works that had been put out by the monasteries I had visited … it was really memorable. My time in the library and seeing the volume of works produced enabled me to have a glimpse of why it was a movement.

That evening I prayed vespers with the Benedictines in the crypt … who kept looking at me. I wonder if it was because I was American? Anyway, the church was massive and had been modernized. It definitely had presence with its towering marble columns. I was also able to visit Blessed Dom Columba Marmion, o.s.b.’s grave (note: third abbot of Maredsous and prolific writer on spirituality – this is an insufficient description of him) and make intentions.

I walked the grounds, had a tour, was able to pray, and ended up having an extensive conversation with one of the monks who teaches on canon law and African Catholicism in Louvain. He also told me more about the Benedictine review Maredsous puts out on the liturgy – hehe, that would be the room I walked through en route to the library.

Also, Maredsous is putting out a series of catechetical discussions over the course of the year. It’s very exciting to see the spirit is alive here. I tried to connect with the main priest who is organizing the discussions, but unfortunately, he was out of town.

My stay in Maredsous was brief, as I had to meet up with my sister and cousins in Rome – a trip we had planned over a year ago. After a long day of traveling, I wrapped up Belgium with a Blue Chimay, my liturgy/ethics book, and a chocolate bar. Yum, all the comforts to help me relax in the airport prior to my red-eye flight the next morning.